Monday, January 22, 2007

On Being A Stupid Whore

Tengo exactamente doce minutos para actualizar esto antes de tener que ponerme a trabajar, y ahora si, trabajar en serio.

Y bien, este pasado fin de semana prometía ser el mejor en meses con el regreso de cierto individuo que se había ido a vivir a Brasil y de repente regreso, más magro que antes. Para celebrar, un grupo de amigos y yo nos reunimos en un bar y después de mi limited one drink me despedi con cuñado en mano. El caso de todo es que cuando Jason y yo salimos a la calle y caminando en dirección hacia el coche, comenzo a hacer un buen de viento. Yo traía puestas unas zapatillas de tacón (3-inch heel stilettos) y en un soplón fuerte, whaaaam!, el viento me tiro al suelo y al tiempo que caí se me doblo el tobillo izquierdo horrible.

Okay people, laugh..

Obviamente, lo primero que pensé fue I broke my ankle, y en seguida hice mi escandalo hasta que mi cuñado (enfado de decirme que probablemente era solo una torcedura) me llevo al hospital. Ya ahí me dijeron que en efecto no era nada serio. Me recetaron antibióticos y me mandaron a la casa a descansar. Y vaya que descanse. En todo el domingo no hice nada mas que dejarme consentir por mi cuñado, al que ultimamente le he tomado demasiado afecto, and that my friends, is not a good thing if you know what I mean jelly beans?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

I woke up at 4:45am this morning, made my way into the restroom and peed for some late-night-early-morning relief. Jason (my cuñado) was already up, messing around in the kitchen, getting ready for work. When I came out of the restroom, he offered me scrambled eggs for breakfast. No thanks, too early for me. We talked about the weather (lately it's been really windy) and about me moving out soon (back to Orange County). For a white guy, he can be very interesting. After a while, my sister came out of their bedroom, all ready for work too.

Soph: -Do you really have to walk around the house half naked and in front of Jason?

Me: -Well.. it's hot, I think I have a fever. Jason, do you mind?

Jason: -...

Soph: -Shut up Jason, and you (me), cover up! You can't be coming and going about the house in your fucking underwear.

Me: -These are my pijamas!

Soph: You think I'm stupid? You're in panties.

Me: -Booty shorts.

Soph: -Same shit. If you want to keep living here, I don't ever want to see you walking around like that. Fuck, no seas tan desvergonzada.

It makes me laugh that she thinks I have no shame, 'cause unlike her, I do.

I grabbed a pear and went back to the room. I layed in bed, in the dark, eating the pear. It wasn't as good as it looked. I'm not sure at what time I knocked out, but when I woke up again at around 8:30am, the pear was still in my hand. I gave it another bite, then made it a perfect shot into the trash can.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Precisa-se De Prazeres

A couple of nights ago, the girlfriend and the ho came over and we watched Amélie together. You know, that French movie about the shy waitress that self indulges in small pleasures like skipping rocks, digging her fingers in legumes, and wondering how many people are having orgasms. Yup!

Anyway, even after watching this movie ten times, it didn't change my life like they said it would, but it did make me sorta reflect on the little things I do that unconsciously make me feel good in one way or another. Some of these things are incredibly lame and vain, and therefore unmentionable.

But then there are those things that take a little more effort, yet you always do them with a big fat grin on your face. Incredibly, for me hand-washing the dishes is at the top of the list. A lot of people don't understand the sorta hype I get from just soaking my hands in soapy water and meticulously cleaning the dishes until they're squeaky clean. I have a dishwasher that has never been used, in fact, it's most current use it to hide all the gifts I'm yet to wrap and that my nephews and niece aren't suppose to know about. I figured that since they've been on a quest to sneak a peak on their presents, the last place they'd look for them was the dishwasher. Ah yes, clever! Other than that, I try to convince myself that at least technology hasn't made me all that lazy, jaja.

Lately I've also become very fond of lesbian porn, which at times I think I enjoy a little too much. I know in the past I've said porn itself turns me off because it's so fake, but lesbians are hot to watch! I think everyone should have a pair of them at home, if not next door.

My ultimate fuzz though is italian gelato, or anything cold that tastes like mango for that matter. I might be wrong, maybe a little crazy, but if it grounds over 1,000 calories all at once, it must be delicious. Not only does ice cream taste yummy, but lately it's keeping me sane when I come down with fevers. Ice cream of course, requires no excuses, you eat it and fuck everything else. If you're unable to eat ice cream in that order, do yourself a favor and shoot yourself! There are a ton of other things to mention, but I'm running late for a doctor's appointment. That aside, I'm not too anxious to let the world know that I'm in fact sick and sometimes predictably twisted.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Extended Quickie

I've been thinking of posting más seguido, but I've been sick, gripada, com febre. It seriously sucks bunda to be Jessica Cicconi right now, so here's a quickie for you guys to munch on for now.

>> My birthday is coming up soon, it's next Tuesday as a matter of fact. Unlike previous years, this year I just want to kick back and stick my tongue in a chocolate fountain. Then again, the boyfriend is throwing me a party at Original Mike's, so if you're in the O.C. area, city of Santa Ana, come hang out and don't forget I'm a size zero, sometimes 1 or 2. I love shoes (size 7) and convertible cars, jaja.

>> You know when they say, don't judge a book by it's cover. Well, I regret that I did exactly that with Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown for so long 'cause now it's one of my favorites books. In fact, I've read it three times this year (the fact that it's only a hundred-and-something pages got me going even more). The book is usually labeled "required lesbian reading" because it's about what it's like to be a lesbian in America, but it goes beyond that. Heck, Amazon has a much better review than I do.

...and for a future I didn't want a split-level home with a station wagon, pastel refrigerator, and a houseful of blonde children evenly spaced through the years. I didn't want to walk into the pages of McCall's Magazine and become the model housewife. I didn't even want a husband or any man for that matter. I wanted to go my own way. That's all I think I ever wanted, to go my own way and maybe find some love here and there. Love, but not the now and forever kind with chains around your vagina and short circuit in your brain. I'd rather be alone.
Amen.

>> The boyfriend and I haven't made up our minds on where we want to spend the holidays this year. I really want to travel though, maybe go to Brazil, just because it's warm out there and you know how it always is. When it's hot, you want it cold. When it's cold, you want it warm. And I for one, always want what I don't have. Anyway, with the mandatory passport b.s. coming into effect soon, and considering mine expired two months ago, I've been trying to get it renewed with not much luck. Then yesterday my mom told me I could get it renewed at the post office in a matter of minutes. Right! I went there and there was a long fuckin' line of people dropping off packages. I guess none of them had ever heard of scheduled pick-ups. I decided to get it done and over with and stood in line for approximately 55 minutes just to find out my local post office didn't offer passport services! Aaaargh, fuuckin' fuck me!

>> Last but not least, I uploaded new pics to Flickr. Not the one's I wanted though. I have quite a few porn like pictures, but those will only come to surface in a private gallery. I don't know if I'll ever upload to Buzznet. Just too much fuckin' advertising on that shit, though I do miss the goods of the people there; Flaii, SebastianBach, Garcespalax, Lola (la huevona), and so on. Anyway, check them out.

Beijos na bunda gente! :*

Monday, October 30, 2006

Untitled Três

- Will you marry me?
- I don't know. What's it in for me?
- Anything you want?
- Anything?
- [Opening his mouth wide] Go like this. Do you spit or swallow?
- Whatever you like.
- Whatever I like? I would definitely marry you.

...........................................................

Don't mind me, I'm just watching Dazed & Confused for the second time today. Yeah, I've got nothing to do, but wait for...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Little Fish, Big Fish

To be 22, yet feel like a 52 year old woman entering menopause, is a pretty shit-ty feeling.

To be single again, makes it all better, I guess.

The way I see it, this is merely the time to once again embrace that pathetic and disgusting behavior I more easily pull off when I'm not cohabiting.

- Sleeping with whomever I want, however I want, and only when I want.
- Eating dry cereal out of the box with lumps of decaying cheese.
- Weigh myself five times in one night.
- Stare at a pimple for 45 minutes.
- Change outfits nine times before going out.

And all this, to ultimately present myself as a normal self to the world.

Who the hell needs a boyfriend anyway!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Life Gives Me Lemons & I Make Lemonade - Yeah Right

Ever since I was little, my grandmother always stressed out the importance of being kind and generous to the misfortunate and homeless, 'cause God forbid it could be me someday, blah blah blah. So out of the kindness of my heart, every time I see a homeless guy on the street, I give him money to uncap a new bottle, and if he doesn't look like a scary perv I buy him lunch.

But then last night, the boyfriend and I went shopping for veggies and upon leaving the store, I noticed this funky stench, sort of like piss and alcohol mixed together. So I said to him, "damn it really stiiiiiinks, I bet someone pissed out here". Then as I turned to look around I noticed a homeless guy sitting next to a vending machine. I felt so fuckin' embarrassed, my face blushed immediately. The man just stared at me like he was about to throw a mad fit so I urged the boyfriend to walk faster, but alas it was useless. The fuckin' homeless guy threw two bottles of whiskey (empty of course) at me, hitting me twice right on the ass. Then he called me a "fuckin' bitch" and started running as fast as his drunk ass allowed him to.

I figured the boyfriend would do something, heck, rundown that muh-fucker, but instead he busted out and called me a smartass.

Needless to say, I woke up this morning with a sore and bruised ass, which right now is desperately asking for a hot rub.. anyone? =P

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Tag: I'm It

Who's to blame? Her.



>> Four jobs I've had:

- bookstore clerk
- stripper
- marketing assistant
- coffee shop barista

>> Four movies I could watch over and over again:

- The Cockettes
- Blood In Blood Out
- Taxi Driver
- Dumb and Dumber

>> Four places I've lived:

- Boston
- New York
- San Francisco
- Salvador (Brasil)

>> Four places I've been on vacation:

- Japan
- Ibiza
- Cuba
- Rio de Janeiro

>> Four television shows I watch:

- Miami Ink
- Seinfeld
- Independent Lens
- Frontline

>> Four things I'd rather be doing right now:

- taking a cold shower
- nacho cheese wrestling with Carmen Electra
- exchanging fuck faces with him or him and Carmen Electra
- watching José Luis sin Censura (jajajaja, not!)

>> Four dishes I love:

- hawaiian pizza
- enchiladas poblanas
- chicken & mushroom lasagna
- the boyfriend's frango recheado

>> Four dishes I absolutely cannot stomach:

- anything with shrimp
- anything with carrots
- anything with peas
- lentils

>> Four favorite drinks:

- Hennessey
- Coke and Jack Daniel's
- caipirinha
- champagne coolies

>> Four favorite scents:

- burning bud
- after sex
- my mom
- clean laundry

>> Four things I like to do that have nothing to do with my career:

- cook
- masturbate
- smoke bud
- contemplate bigger tits than mine (ja)

>> Four things I cannot do:

- wake up early
- any math beyond basic algebra
- watch mtv for more than 10 minutes
- long distance relationships

>> Four favorite books:

- Ballad of the Whiskey Robber (Julian Rubinstein)
- Dos Crímenes (Jorge Ibargüengoitia)
- Las Batallas en el Desierto (José Emilio Pacheco)
- Sheila Levine is Dead and Living in New York (Gail Parent)

>> Four degenerates I'm tagging:

- Lola
- Gsus K
- Caifan
- Diabinho

Monday, September 18, 2006

Random Conversations Gone Bad

Last night, on our way back from the movie theatre, my nine year old nephew and I got into an argument over who is better playing Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, which five minutes later turned into an embarrassing conversation about prostitutes and "dick sucking".

Why the intake? Simple.. Harbor Boulevard in Santa Ana. I don't think I have to explain the connection.

Anyway, I'm about to change the subject on the little perv when he brings up something he believes he saw a while back outside my mom's house.

Brandon: -I think I saw one of those outside of grandma's house once, jeje-je.

Me: -Why do you say that?

Brandon: -She was in a car with a guy, I think they were arguing, then she went down and you could only see her head going up and down, jejejejejeje..

Me: -Shuuuuuuuuuuut up!

Brandon: -I swear, I'm not lying. They were in a black car and the guy was just sitting back relaxed.

Me: -Riiiiiight, you freakin' liar!

Brandon: -I'm not lying!! She had black hair like yours, but I'm not saying it was you, jeje-je.

Me: -Okaaaaay shut up! I should've known better.. no more Grand Theft Auto San Andreas for you, buddy!

Brandon: -Why not? I said it wasn't you..

Grin, gulp.. funny thing, it was me, jajajaja..

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Long Slow Hellos

Uneventual comebacks are boring for all the obvious reasons, and yes, this one is not going to be the exception. I guess by now just about everyone already knows where I've been and/or what I've been up to this past month or so. And well, although I made it through the welcome back weekend without wreaking havoc upon myself, I have to admit that right now I'm all about knuckling under long-long naps. How long? Sometimes up to ten hours! Seriously, after spending almost a month in the hospital, you quickly blend into their routine, yet for some reason never quite get used to their food.

All the same, I'm stoked to finally be home, downing strawberry smoothies, while catching up on preseason football. It's pretty clear to me now, that there's no way in fuck I'm gonna let leukemia fuck my whole life up. It does make me kinda sad though to think of the things I'll be forced to hold back on for a while. No alcohol, no bud or cigarettes (sniff), no tattoos, and no thinking of putting the baby makers to good use (snifffff). On the other hand, there's no limit to self indulging in sex and mutual masturbation, so that pretty much evens things out, I think. ja!

Finally, I wanna thank everyone who sent good vibes my way. Friends, family, whether near or far.. you've all been amazing to me and that of all things has been my daily fix from day one, so THANK YOU ALL A WHOLE VERY BUNCH! Tons of kisses on the kneecaps! =*